They had been broken up for over year. But after dating for 11 years and knowing each other even longer, they had become best friends. They no longer shared the same dreams, the same bed, the same space, but they were still joined by time and countless memories. She had stopped hanging out with him as friends because of me. It wasn’t fair to me, she thought, if she still went out with the ex, even as just friends. For me, she pushed him away. For me, she began to let go of him completely. Last night he asked her to come over, to spend time with him. For me, she told him no. I don’t know what to make of this right now. He died alone last night. I imagine his last day on earth was lonely, empty, meaningless…perhaps meaningless without her. But there I was, the muse to her abandonment, holding her, laughing with her, while he died alone. Did he kill himself because of me? I don’t want to think about it, bit I can’t help think about it. I hate this feeling.